As the world collapses around me, the temptation to leave it all behind and see what awaits in the next existance grows stronger and stronger. But I can't, and won't give up. As long as one ember of rage towards my most hated prey is left burning, I can cling to life, and to my belief that to allow them to outlive me would be a fate worse than death.
We are all around you. We mop your floors, report your news, drive your rideshares, and pledge to protect and serve your communities. We sit and beg for change on the street, and we sit in lavish top floor corporate offices. No matter our backgrounds, we blend seamlessly into your world until the time is right. We are your families, friends, sworn enemies, and lovers. We are predators and Gods. We do feel - contrary to popular belief - joy, love, anguish, rage, and the rest of the spectrum of human emotion as you do. The key difference is the addition of our prey drive, constantly running in parallel. Whether or not we act on it at a given moment or at all, we are constantly evaluating prey, planning capture, fantasizing about what we'll do. And if it happens that the circumstances align just so, we will act, and claim what is rightfully ours.
Jeffrey Dahmer attempted to zombify some of his later prey, rather than outright killing them. He did this by drilling holes into their heads, and attempting to pour or inject acid into their brains. This obviously would never work, yet I wonder what the result of an old fashioned ice pick lobotomy would be. Dr. Walter Jackson Freeman II pioneered the technique, with the goal that any therapist could perform one in about ten minutes with commonly available tools. A nightmare for anybody deemed not normal, yet an alluring technique to potentially keep a captive at bay. I'm shocked that I don't know of any case of a predator (at least, a predator unaffiliated with the mental health industry) who has attempted the technique.
Of course for every predator we know about, there are countless more that evade detection. For all we know there could be one out there right now, with some cute lobotomized forever partners by their side.
I wasn't always content reveling in the abyss. There was a time I was terrified of it, where I desparately fought it. Yet despite the fear I was cautiously optimistic that I could conquer it. All I needed to do was ask for help and throw myself at the mercy of whatever treatment the doctors preached, treat their instructions like gospel and work hard to get better, and surely I would be cured.
It turns out it doesn't work that way. "Just reach out and ask for help!" and "It's okay to not be okay!" are nice slogans, but they ring hollow when applied to the real world. The very best you can hope for is to find a seemingly symphathetic ear for an hour at a time, but even then you can tell how eager they are to pawn you onto somebody else once you begin to spill the darkness of your soul. At worst they will literally leave you to die. Eventually, that cunt will wish I had died. I refuse to attempt to end my own life ever again, at least not while she still roams unscathed.
Perhaps it was too late to save me by the time I reached out. Perhaps there was never a chance anybody could have saved me. It would have still been nice if they tried to help though.
I never want it to be claimed that I did not make an earnest, repeated attempt to get help.
I try not to politicize the hunt. There are plenty of capable predators and wonderful prey on all sides of the political spectrum.
That said it would be a delightful twist to hunt down a concealed carrier, surreptitiously gain access to her gun, and then use it against her. I don't merely want to have power, but I want to take it away from another. Such a scenario could play into that desire wonderfully.
Sweet, innocent prey. It's so tempting to tease or taunt you, but I know that's unwise. I must control myself, I cannot even gaze at you for more than a split second, lest I gain unwanted attention. And yet those few glimpses are enough to fill me with glee, as I imagine making you mine.
I see you're looking for software engineering roles. A smart girl with potential - That makes me want to claim you all the more.
Alas you are safe. I cannot claim you with so many witnesses, and due to circumstances the chance we will again cross paths is nil. Go run home, live your life. There will certainly be others.